That talk

Done talking to her and one of the foremost question which I have never imagined myself asking was :

" Hey, why haven't you call me in a while, I can't get used to it" Yet, she asked me to better get used to it, so that I won't get so depressed when they didn't give a ring.

She told me, if there's problem, what do we do? We focus entirely on the problem more and try to fight and eradicate the problem with all the will that we have without being distracted by other. Some of the time, I thought that she was the most positive person in the entire universe, because when things happen, she was the one that I immediately referred to, if I can't differentiate the difference between cabbage and carrot, she would definitely be the number one call number to go to. When thing doesn't work out my way, she would be there, giving me all sort of beneficial advice, but today, she told me:

"I am not a positive person, do you know how narrow I am. **Tired** " and yes, I answer :" Yeah, I know."

She is emotionally, physically, and psychological strong minded person, but yet she breaks down when things go wrong, especially when it involved life changing experience. This apparently trying to show me that, sometimes it's okay to break down for non particular reason that make no sense to others, sometimes it's okay to be fragile and cry right in front of the person that you never wanted to show how your mascara smudge due to the immense tears flowing out from the inner canthus of the eyes, sometimes it's okay to tell how you felt to an inconsiderate person even if it gives an impression of you being weak in front of them.

All of these are okay, because who told you that complaining equivalent to being weak? And who said crying indicating that you are breakable?

We are all human, we are made up of fresh and organs that function dependently to one and another, one break down immediately others started to shut down, we composed of blood flowing 24/7 every single millisecond, all the physiology are all perfectly designed and package into a human, and yet alteration would happen even if we try our best to protect it. Just like a newly buy exorbitant sports shoes, when we walk with that particular shoes, we try not to let the sand or mud to get onto the surface of the shoes because it's just so new and clean, just like how we try to eat as healthy as we can in order for the body to function just fine because we just thought that's how everything were suppose to be, being healthy, staying positive, happy go lucky, and ta-da... But along the way, when you were walking with the new shoes, you eventually get distracted, you get so distracted that you accidentally step into a pool of mud without you even noticing, but you started to ignore because you just felt it doesn't worth that much of your time to care about it and there's much more important thing to do, just like our body, while we age along, we ignore a lot of the things that would cause major harm to the body, some sacrifice their own identity to chase their goal, some do something that's against the law of the body just to have the one-time-satisfaction, but body is not like the shoes, the harm you did might not gives an immediately effect like how the dirt did to a white shoes, because when we first ignore the dirt, we eventually accumulate more dirt, and eventually we break down in term of emotionally and physically.

Alright, I don't know what kind of example I am trying to give here, but to make it simple and clear, every human are strong, paradoxically, every human are fragile and weak too because weakness strengthen us. (Oxymoron)


So after a long phone call, she told me:

"You know what, you have so many friends to talk to, so that should be okay for you without us calling you isn't it."


Well, just wanted to tell you, and I bet I have already told you is that,

"Friends, never have a chance to make me feel lonely, but without your call for even a day, I felt that I have myself got into loneliness trap, you have to know, you are just irreplaceable."