There are just too many things that you realise when something unexpected happened, every significant role seems to alter, you try to remain positive, you try to maintain a normal posture, but eventually you broke down, because we are all just human, emotion weaken our cognitive and physically, it's traumatizing us.

Having a form of sickness is one of the thing which is very unacceptable, and you will never know unless part of your family encounter one of this form and there's so many things that I have realise. first of all, I realise, people keep asking us to be positive, especially the quotes, asking us to not look at the negative side and focus on the positive side, and the gravity will pull you forward the positive side. This is all some sort of bullshit. When bad things hit you unexpectedly, it's almost impossible for us to remain positive, we tried in phycological way to think about the good, how it outweight the bad, but eventaully, a lot of the time, research and science proved us wrong. People said " have faith darling, have faith". What faith or fate really meant to you when the victim is one of those people that do good things, an abiding law and regulation citizen, never hold even one percent of grudge, someone that had been so kind of every word he said, prioritize the family and love his/her own child more than anything in the world being targetted as one of them to be diagnose in unwanted fact? Is faith applicable now?

I tried so hard to remain positive, trying to break the barrier to act as if nothing had happened, try to maintain as contented as possible because some people had gotten even worst, but when you get to know more about the condition, all you wanted is to laid on the ground, and cry. Additional to the fact that, people around keep reminding you by thinking of different option and solution. People stated to become even more queit, because they were so afraid things would become worst, people around started to read article online, good or bad. They focused entirely on the disease, and asking why it happened, and i am here too, keep thinking why?? what aggravate it? Why?